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No Response to Teacher Question in Local Classroom

MOOSONEE: Not a single student raised their hand to answer a question in a grade 11 class this week at the local high school. During a lesson about plant cells, Steve Marson, a veteran biology teacher, asked, “Is the outside of a plant cell a cell wall or a cell membrane?” Following the question the class remained silent for a tense ten seconds before Marson was forced to provide the answer himself.
During the difficult ordeal, six students stared at the teacher and blinked, one rustled some papers, four stared at the clock, one doodled, and another started to sneeze but it faded away.

“I just had no idea,” remarked one student that successfully hid his emotional reaction to the crisis. He shrugged. “I knew he’d tell us the answer after waiting a bit. And he did. It’s wall.”

This surprising turn of events has some wondering if our education policy is heading in the right direction. Jim Plourde, a student in the class remarked, “He asked a question? Oh. I didn’t notice.”

Another stude…
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"More Standardized Tests!" Ontario Parents Demand

ONTARIO: Tension is rising across Ontario as parents are expressing outrage that their children are not getting the training they need in writing standardised tests that will prepare them for future careers.

Parents are deeply concerned over the lack of class time dedicated to important areas of learning such as selecting the best multiple choice option, restating the question in your answer, shading in the entire bubble, and writing properly formatted news reports that match the picture provided.

“I’m scared,” said Margaret Taylor, a parent of three children in the public school system. “How can we, as a Canadian society, compete with the world if our students aren’t trained to successfully read over a multiple choice question to make sure their selection is the correct one?” Taylor has written to her school board demanding that an increased amount of attention be given to test prep.

“There’s a lot at stake here,” Taylor added. “I don’t want my children to enter a career without be…

Grade 12 Student Makes Astonishing Discovery: ‘High School’ is Two Words

MOOSONEE: A grade 12 student in Moosonee Ontario couldn’t believe his eyes as he was entering the high school this morning. Feeling a bit nostalgic about his time in school so far, he looked up at the front sign as he approached the building.

The student was stunned. “I was like, ‘What the heck?’ I thought someone was messing with me! Or at least it was a typo or something.” It was at that point the student made an observation that was 12 years in the making. “Right there on the sign, ‘High school’ was broken up into two words, ‘high’ and ‘school.’ Blew me away.”

“I’ve always spelled high school as one word, always.”

After entering the building the student looked around at other appearances of the term ‘high school’ in signage which confirmed the two separate words.

“I mean like, seriously! How do I get to grade 12 without knowing how to spell ‘high school’? Was this a recent change that I wasn’t made aware of?” asked the student.

The student said he used to think the automatic spell …

Local Student Makes Brazen Attempt to Creep Teacher on Facebook

MOOSONEE: A student at the local high school in Moosonee made a bold attempt to locate her teacher on Facebook yesterday in an effort to discover personal details about the staff member. Sitting at her home computer after school, the grade 11 student typed in the name of her teacher in Facebook’s search field hoping for a social-taboo jackpot.

“I thought that I’d find crazy pictures and selfies of her doing all sorts of weird stuff,” the student told High School Breaking News, “but there were over 200 people with the same or similar name. I started browsing through the pictures, but there were so many.”

After an arduous attempt to locate her teacher in the list, the determined student made an on-the-spot decision on how to continue with her dangerous crossing of social boundaries. “I got bored of looking, so I decided I’d try again later,” the grade 11 student explained. “I mean, I don’t really care that much.”

Though it is impossible to collect accurate data on this disturbing tren…

Area Student Shocked at Grade Given for Assignment Cut and Pasted from Wikipedia

MOOSONEE: Becky Peraino, a grade 9 student at the local high school was shocked at the failing mark she was given for what she thought was clearly a quality research report written by a Wikipedia author. Peraino believes she did very well in the historic Canadian battle research assignment and that the teacher should reconsider the grade.

“It’s not fair!” said Peraino, “There’s a whole bunch of other students handing in really crappy research assignments that they wrote themselves and they get a better mark!”

Peraino argues that her assignment contained no spelling errors, used a high level of language, contained in-text citations to credible sources, and was written in clear, concise language. “What more could [the teacher] want?” she said.

The grade nine student also stated that she read “almost” the entire article she submitted and even glanced at a few others before making her final selection of the Wikipedia article.

“I did extra work too,” Peraino insisted. “When you cut and pas…

Local Teacher Accused of Copyright Violation in Powerpoint Presentation

MOOSONEE: A local grade 11 student accused her teacher of blatant copyright violation last Thursday. The alleged stolen digital property was an image in a Powerpoint presentation used in a science class. After analyzing the photo of a microscope used to decorate one of the slides, Maria Kearns was able to determine the photo’s origins.

“There was a giant watermark right across the middle of the picture!” Maria told HSBN. “It said ‘iStockPhoto’ right across the centre of it!” Online photo services, as Maria went on to explain, place watermarks across preview images to indicate illegitimate usage.

“He stole it; he totally stole it - ripped them right off!” remarked Maria. “They go on and on about not plagiarizing and copying other people’s stuff. Well, what the heck is this?"

Some inside sources indicate that this alarming practice is widespread in the school system.

A grade 12 student has a theory as to which teachers are using watermarked images. “I think it mostly comes from…

Students Take Aim at Antiquated Classroom Technology with ‘Mock a Difference’ Campaign

Students across Ontario are increasing pressure on teachers to upgrade their antiquated teaching habits as the “Mock a Difference” (MaD) movement gains momentum.
Feeling they have waited far too long, Ontario students have begun to take educational technology reform into their own hands. The MaD movement simply exhorts students to hurl light hearted but serious mockery on teachers whenever they use antiquated technology in the classroom.
Students’ irritation and anger about the usage of 19th century classroom technologies has begun to boil over into action. “I mean seriously! In what workplace do people drag a white mineral across a black surface in order to write something for a group to see?” said one student shaking his head. “Is this a cave?”

Another student, concerned about the disconnect between education and the workplace said, “Sure, there are still a lot of paper forms in some workplaces around the country, but who writes more than a sentence on paper these days? And lined p…

Local Student Late For School Due to Slow Student Walking Ahead of Him

MOOSONEE: In a startling turn of events last Monday morning, Robert Chakasim arrived six minutes late for school because of the slower pace of the student walking in front of him on the road. Not wishing to endure the embarrassment of appearing more keen on getting to school than the upper level student walking at a snail’s pace in front of him, Chakasim matched his pace at an appropriate distance, causing the ensuing lateness.

“I didn’t know what to do,” said the frustrated grade 10 student. “He was going so slow, but he was a cool kid and I didn’t want to look like a real keener running past him to get to school. He’s a grade 12.”

Using the sidewalk on the other side of the road was not possible due to the absence of sidewalks. Chakasim made the choice to endure the consequences for his self imposed tardiness. Which, as it turned out, is nothing. 

Nevertheless, he wishes to avoid such incidences in the future. “I suppose I could just time it a little bit better so that I’m not behi…

High School Class Sees Right Through Teacher’s ‘Work Period’

MOOSONEE: A grade 12 class at the local Moosonee high school finally figured out what it really meant when their teacher announced a “work period.”

“At first I just thought he was being nice and letting us have some extra time to work on our projects,” said grade 12 student Richard Hunter. “It wasn’t until he announced a work period when we didn't even have a project to work on that I got suspicious.” Hunter then conferred with his fellow classmates.
“Looking back at the calendar we were able to recall the work period days throughout the past semester,” said Troy Gray pointing out circled Mondays on a calendar. “Or, most especially, Tuesdays after long weekends!”

“It was then that we realized that [the teacher] just didn’t have anything prepared! He had nothin’ to teach!”

“Still, it’s fine by us and we’re happy to keep his secret. I know I won’t tell anyone.”

Some students pondered whether or not this discovery is connected to ‘play time’ they experienced in their primary grade…

Area Students Unimpressed with Comic Sans Font in Teacher Slideshow

MOOSONEE: In a surprising turn of events last Thursday, students at the local high school were not impressed with their English teacher’s use of the iconic font Comic Sans in a PowerPoint presentation.

Trying to increase her use of modern educational technology in the classroom, Mrs. Tod attempted to be cutting-edge and relevant by setting all the text in her slideshow to Comic Sans.

“When I finally got the projector working with the help of a student, I was really excited to show the students the new font,” said the veteran English teacher. Feeling puzzled by their lack of a reaction, she pointed out the change to her class. “Look, I even used that cool font to make it more fun.” She paused, smiled, blinked a few times, and watched for the students’ reaction.

Rather than the elation that Tod expected, many of the students audibly sighed, rolled their eyes, or smacked their palms against their faces.

“I don’t understand,” she later said in an exclusive interview with ‘High School B…

Student Keeps Hand Raised for Three Minutes

MOOSONEE: Last week in a local civics high school class, Erin Wabano accomplished an astounding feat as she kept her hand raised for the full three minutes of another student’s directionless anecdote about the election system in Canada.

During a class discussion about voting systems, Wabano wished to express her opinion with a comment she felt was insightful and was eager to share it. Despite furiously waving her arm back and forth to get her teacher’s attention, another student was selected to speak before her.

“I had a choice to make,” the grade ten student explained, “I could put my hand back down and risk the teacher selecting someone else before me again, or I could just keep it up.”

Her efforts did not go unnoticed. “I nodded to her to indicate that she could speak next,” reported her teacher, “but she still kept her hand up anyway. She’s just like that. It’s kind of an impressive feat when you think about it. You try holding your hand up that long. It was completely unnecess…

Area High School Student Drops Half of Sandwich

MOOSONEE: A corner in a hallway at Northern Lights Secondary School in Moosonee became the scene of a horrific disaster last Thursday afternoon. As Paul Whiskeychan navigated the turn, the top piece of bread from the sandwich he was carrying on a paper plate, fell to the floor making a faint splat noise.

Stunned, Whiskeychan looked down at the slice of whole-wheat bread laying mayonnaise-side down on the floor with a piece of lettuce protruding out the side. As he examined the site of the accident with disbelief, he held in his left hand the remains of his ham sandwich.

“Oh no,” said the grade 12 student who seemed to be considering his next step. Standing motionless for a moment with a bottle of water in his other hand, he said, “that’s terrible.”

Whiskeychan did his best to put a positive spin on a sad situation. “Oh well, I’ll just fold over the other piece of bread and eat it that way.”

The otherwise busy hallway was mostly empty at the time of the incident leaving few eyewitness…

Tie-Dye Lab Coat Fails to Motivate Students

MOOSONEE: Students at small high school in Northern Ontario are learning about the latest in science, participating in dynamic, hands-on labs, and are generally enjoying their science class with Mr. Marson. They are not, however, particularly motivated by his rainbow tie-dye coloured labcoat.

“I don’t really get it,” said one student as he gathered up his books from the lab counter at the end of class. “He’s a super-smart teacher, but that lab coat makes him look, kinda, I don’t know, not smart.”

Some have expressed concerns about the possible safety problems. “What if students are doing an experiment which involves open flames on a bunsen burner and then become hypnotized by the swirling rainbow colours of teacher’s lab coat?” asked one teacher who preferred to remain anonymous.

The heavily bearded science teacher explained that the tie dye lab coat was a gift from his science department head. “I think it was expensive, so I sort of feel an obligation to wear it once in awhile.”

When…

Student Fakes Locker Check

MOOSONEE: A local grade nine student accidentally walked past her classroom door last Thursday afternoon and then pretended to look for something in her locker to avoid the embarrassment of turning around on the spot and heading back.

High School students open and close their lockers countless times throughout the school day, but this student found a more creative use of the iconic storage space - it smoothed over a potentially awkward moment.

“I don’t normally forget where my classes are,” said the grade nine student who prefers to remain anonymous, “but this time my mind was elsewhere and I completely missed it. I walked straight past it!”

“There were a bunch of people still in the hall and I didn’t want to look like I forgot or was lost or something.” Looking down at the binder she was holding against her chest she admitted, “I just didn’t want to look dumb to the older kids.”

The false locker-checking consisted of a strong gaze inside the locker, the poking and adjusting of some it…

Student Solves Rocking Desk Problem with Sheet of Paper

MOOSONEE: A grade 10 student at a high school in Moosonee solved the age-old problem of an unbalanced school desk last Wednesday by using only a single sheet of lined paper.

Feeling irritated by the slight rocking back and forth of the desk he was working on, Andrew Hunter decided to take matters into his own hands and solve this school furniture malfunction once and for all. The root of the irritating problem was that one metal leg of the classic high school desk, with a slightly beige top, was shorter than the other three.

“I have no idea how they get that way,” said Andrew, “but it sure is annoying. Any little movement causes the desk to rock from one side to the other. It makes me want to lose it!”

He speculated that the problem could be solved by using some form of a wedge to fill in the gap between the floor and the short leg. Unfortunately, no suitable wedges were available to the student while in class.

The real insight came when Andrew realized that he could fashion an approp…